That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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