i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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