He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
