After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
