Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
