Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
