sarcasm needs its own font
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
