so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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