Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
