my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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