I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
