$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
