I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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