I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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