R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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