They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
