Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my shit smells like andre
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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