I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
