apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
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