All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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