so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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