Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
did you just send me my own nude
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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