Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Who died my cat blue again?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
