Are we in a gay sports bar?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
