Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
