This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
