At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
