I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I deserve this hangover.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
