I think my fart just growled at me.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
should my penis look like a turkey
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Randomize
