Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
