Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
