So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
