Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
