What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
