but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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