I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
