suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You ruined the universe
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
