My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
