I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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