Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
