then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
