My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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