why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
