VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So many bounce houses so little time
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
