If i come over, it means nothing
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
