This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
