Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
