We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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