every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
