I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
