i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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