Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
