Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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