My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
