Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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