I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
