His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
