the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
