meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
