This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
