I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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