The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
