I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
