Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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