We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We left an ass print on the piano.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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