Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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