U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
