dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
