Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
