Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
